01302007

Today's Greg Baker's B-day.
Leslie brought bagel sandwitch for us as usual.
Nancy brought little muffins for us.
I turned on all the switches except for the stage light. I forgot!
Run the powerpoint for half of the first song since Laura wasn't back in time.

60 Pcom product description left only.
Don't wanna finish it today.
But, since Joe still needs to work, what else can I do?
My job application is in the car. My reading? CR? Counseling training hw?

Haven't seen Carrie on MSN for a while.
Really have no idea how the whole family think about me right now.
Is Dad mad at me? Does Mom miss me? How about Carrie and Ben? How about Freeman's whole family?

I feel I am living by myself in the world, on this planet, sometime.
Is this a good thing?

February is coming. I will have Superbowl Sunday in a week, the Dallas Willard workshop and class 401 for the next Sunday, and then Chinese New Year for the Sunday after the next Sunday. Then my b-day, and February will be gone soon.
Go go go! I can be courageous to apply for more jobs.
The mission organization book hasn't been gone through yet. :) I can do it! God's with me.

"She's my daughte! keep your hands away from her!"

Only choir practice left tonight.
CR last night was ok. I kinda like Christine.
She's so pretty. But sadly the process she's now going through.

Why there's so many broken families in the world?
Seeing people struggling and trying to get all the helps they can have is really heart-breaking.

A little bit surpriseing when realizing my life is going to be labeled as "mid-age".
Encourage myself be prepared and strong when the day that I need to speak out for my own life choice to my family comes.
I am a BIG girl now. (Darlene said) I can make my own choices and decisions.

Lord.
You know what I am thinking about. and what I long for or maybe just what I need.

I wanna cook.

It's been a while

It's been a while.
Lots of things happened in my life.

One great thing was we actually solved and figured out one way to communicate when we are fighting.
Apology works so well.
I know and learn that I should put aside my feelings first, rather than seeking comfort, and compassionate to the other.
Feelings flavor our lives but feeling sometimes blind my eyes to see people's real intention.

Last Saturday, we went to the coast again.
I knew my heart filled with grateful cuz I knew he cared about me. Wanna give me nice, fun day experience.
I love to study with him. Being encouragement, (if any), and get my reading, studying done.

That was so great and wonderful.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Finally told mom about me and Joe.
After Dad's not-pleasant phone.
---> He's just so weird. Why can he sound that harsh? I even will feel like to ask 'does he love me or not'.
When being calm, keeping talking to him, my tears welled up in my eyes, and fell.

Mom sounds surprising and not supportive.
She said she doesn't advocate cross-cultural relationship.

I feel she can't listen to any of my answers to her questions.
:(

Emotions

情緒還是一波一波的來 Emotions stills comes to me like waves, one after one.
Maybe I am too good at feelings till a certain point that I didn't even aware of my *girt* that well.

Saw he answering my apology letter. *my eyes moisturized*--> feel wanna cry.
Because saw he remembered to tell me he does like me. (though I did wonder why he didn't reply the other email)
Will he like to do it more often if he knows that simple sentence makes me feel loved and treasured?


"I longed to be loved and treasured..I wante to feel special, to be pursued, to know that my husband delighted in me." quoted from Lynne Hubels.
That's so true. Just speak to my heart.

Feel loved, safe, secure and treasured and prized and wanted. (from the book too)

--
(smile) I even go buy the english version of "Fit To Be Tied". Try to know what exactly the English words they used. I feel I spending so much effort try to solve our problems and woking on our relationship. I guess that's why whenever I feel he's saying he could easily withdraw or walk away, give up (well, he didn't say this for sure) this relationship, I feel so hurt and resentful.

Feelings, feelings. I need to know you more. I need to find a way let you exist between me and Joe.
We need you stay with us, but don't hurt any of us. God will help us even if we are so weak when facing your existance.

blood sugar

Is my blood sugar too low so I tremble and feel fingers are numb?

So scary.!
Go EAT!

Tuesday introspection

Didn't express self well.

What was the real reason caused me depressed and angry in the afternoon and were the real things that I felt wanna tell him, get consolation from him?

1. I saw Mick's wedding picture in the afternoon...:(
2, I tried not be affected by talking to myself and forced myself have NO feelings about it, but I actually did. Though they weren't extreme, but I did have feelings. I shouldn't try to ignore that.
3, By reading bible, I started tell God I feel bad, but I can't really understand why I felt bad.
4. I tried tell God I wanna make sure he heard my prayer....and I tried to cry, but I can't.
5. Then I yelled. and .....I actually told God about those birds.
6. Then I guess I wish Joe could comfort me. I started feel I wanna tell him this.----> that's so WRONG. cuz I trun my expectation to him, wish he could meet my needs. I guess this cause problems.
7. When telling Joe I feel bad, I didn't tell him clear and specific what that was This caused him nervous, worried and even being interfered by almost not being able to finish CR Qs.
8. When we get to talk at night, I was in my emotions. ThereforeI didn't appreciate his joke about the cleaniness of my car.
9, What was my first words to him?
I "blamed" and complained about our not-enough-time, and said I don't wanna talk cuz I need to prepare to leave. This is a wrong expression since he was giving me his time due to my saying me not feeling good. While he's trying to help me, staying with me for my problems (he hasn't know what was that yet), my wrong and improper starting actually discouraged him and made him upset.

UH.....
How bad I was.

Then comes his emotions, then comes mine extra emotions too.
:( Woo....It was because of me.

I can't blame him the later tention and emotions of mine caused by his. Cuz I caused the very first one. :(

Talk

Tried no calls, no emails for two days on purpose. (though understanding his reason for suggesting this, I still feel bad. why is that? do I still interpret it as he doesn't want me around him? Well, he said he doesn't want anyone being emotionally attached to him. Cuz it's not good to either of one. THIS IS NOT SWEET (and a bad communication way to women, I guess). and actually this would cause me trying not attached to him purposely no matter what level I am now. )
Tonight, we 還是had a call at the end.
I thought he won't call when seeing it's already gonna be 11pm.
I was thinking in my mind, how long this call he want it to be? 10 min?
I thought about Freya and Mike always call each other every night around 11pm, and have maybe half hour to one hour chat, then go sleep after saying good night to each other. Was that nice? How come (I feel) he doesn't need this kind of thing?
Maybe we were just still figuring out our own compatible schedule?

It was so hurting.
After Tuesday night's talk, I was hurt badly.
I guess he didn't aware of that. and he probably didn't mean that. (he said, if there's something I feel so wrong, don't believe that, cuz it probably is misunderstanding. Everything he said was from good intention.) ---> this looks/sounds sweet now. ha.
But, I actually try to clarify what I heard on Tuesday night then. I ask why you said it's a sacrifice. I knew I was so shock that I even trembled. I stayed cool and asked him to explain that again. But it wasn't a satisfying answer. He still sounds so distant from me. And he simply looks not want to work on our relationship anymore, and that irritated me.

After today's call, yep, I guess we clarified some misunderstanding. Though I still think he didn't really understand the whole thing.

He actually has unrealistic dream about "dating", just like Mick's first dream.
Mick ended up telling me that was an unrealistic dream, and he didn't appreciate that either.
I don't know would Joe thinks about this too or not.

I was so discouraged that I even feel pretty ready to give up.
I didn't really wanna give up. But simply seeing his frustrating expression on Tuesday night, makes me interpreate that as he's ready to give up this relationship at any minute. That was so hurting and makes me feel unrespected.
I am trying, though there's so many things we need to work on, how can you easily withdrawl your emotion?

I really can sense the anger and resentment inside my mind these two days. I can't even really think through the whole thing cause that was too hurting. I feel rejected, and being look down. I guess what Dad did to me that night, hurt me so much that I feel Joe's doing the same thing to me. That's why I asked he did he really like me or not.

Praying is the only I can do when I can't keep thinking our relationship. I told God I feel angry and hurt, but I don't wanna hurt him and I don't know how can I avoid hurting him. He just looks so fragile that he can't be exposed to any negative emotions. He would treat that as girls' problem while I actually feel he's too afraid to face it and solve the problem with me. What's wrong? Does he need some more help about his previous relationship wound? He can't keep setting up rules in front of us, and warn me not doing the same thing to him as she did before. It's not fair and not right. I even don't have any chance to express myself or explain my reason before he gets stressed and frustrated.

I still say by myself, let's meet this weekend. Though I thought about not seeing each other for these days, kind of as a "punishment" ( I guess it's not a proper word to use here...:( bad English) to him. I want him feel me disappeared in his life. If he actually feels no difference, then I won't stay in this kind of relationship. I guess then we should back to casual dating or even just being friends. ( This situatino means me not showing up, and he does nothing with it. no calls, no emails, don't need me at all, not attached to me AT ALL).
Oh, right. He should stop saying he feels me attached to him. That was so annoying....@@. and that would stop my own feelings actually.
@@ The hurt thing comes from, I would feel he's not attracted by me so he doesn't feel attached to me, so that means he doesn't like me, and my affection to him is not appreciated.
( He probably would say, it's all your interpretation....... ) (sigh)

He wants we all have our own lives. Not our lives are each other.
Make sense. but if I am not in your life, you are not in my life at all. are we still gf and bf?
Then it will back to Mick's dream. I want her show up only when I need her show up. -----> WRONG for sure!

Fine. 難解習題
If he's not going to work on this, I will give up too.
Me being too much attached to him? sorry, I don't like this kind of role. I won't do it.
Keep saying this? I will try my best not doing this.

----> sounds so childish?!

But, while I give up my reserve, and tell him everything single feeling I have, how can he simply say it's difficult for him to share?

That's frustrating too!

----------------

Forget it!

You know what?
one 2.5 dollar card makes me feel expensive too.
I am so poor....

Foundations today.

Leslie and Nancy prepared yummy food for us.
Bobby and me enjoyed a lot while Greg went to dont-know-somewhere.

I figured out the problem causing no sound in the house by myself. YEAH.
Turn on the sound board then the amplifier.
Screen switch is the little box.
Turn off amplifier then turn off the sound board.

can assign to more than one group, or both groups and mono/stereo.

There's volume control for phone.

Effect:

Combination key, when it shows "Greg Stuffs", then the setting is good for try.
Magic effect and Delay.
Remember bring them down when they go back to speak.

Light setting:

The switch, at back
three scroll bar up.
wait for the setting, (or mess up everything to wake it up :P)
Cue-69-go, then we are good.

-----------------------------------------

Weird thing today. The CD burner stoped at 54min.
I found it when we're almost done.
So weird. I wasn't even close to the burner. There's no way people touch any button to cause that.
um...

Feel bad when Aunt called. Actually thinks, "good, now I need to do some apology thing again. what stuff I need to prepare this time? or just apoligize again when I am back?"
Tear down. Though not really knowing why.
I don't like this living style.
Guess just a little bit exhausted emotionally, (and physically?)
Linda said this morning, we all need to find the time to rest and get refreshed.
What day is my Sabbath day?

-------------------------------------------

Feel I am independent but also alone as well.

This weekend

Didn't pick the Pans up from airport.
They actually took shuttle by themselves.
My 10 dollars gasoline......

It costs me almost 10 bucks go to church. Roundtrip, I mean.
For saving money, I really seriously think I should just sleep in the car.
If Ethel's place were not available tonight, I would just drive to church and sleep there, I guess.

Ok, back to the topic.

We went to a neat, sweet place for greek-like food. ( can't remember what that is)

Doug's sermon was nice, but too bad I can't listen to the whole preach.
David was the worship leader again. MJ is gone for good. :( not good. I like him.
Maurice teased me again. Craig approached again.
I guess I trust them by trusting Minie.
Love to being in choir. Whenever Tanya tears down during singing, I always feel so touched.
Don't know how to describe, but it was just amazing. God did talk to people and comfort people when they are serving, right?
At least, He always does this to me. Let me hear something, and let me experience something cool.

Studying Sunday afternoon. Nice hummas(?). I like that.
Unexpecting SG sharing at night. ( Do I always do this kind of thing? say something that would surprise ppl?)
Ethel's artichoke dip was awesome! Love it, Yummy.

I grumbled a lot to Joe. Though not that painful, I guess I sounded miserable.
Was I being defensive? or being cold, cool? wearing "brave& strong " mask for...? for what? not showing weakness? or not asking for comfort? or preparing for departure? and try not being sad or hurt?
He was so honest by saying not knowing what to do, but willing to give me hug.
Writing him emails showing gratitude and appreciation. I guess I try to be honest about whatever I feel about everything and tell him. Expressing my gratitude, though I never get the chance to get his response right away.

Focus, Focus. (ha)
Will I be trained to a person who care less about feelings then?

Simply because need to suppress them once a while?
Am I growing or just ignoring them?

Am I grumbling now? Am I just tired so behaving like a child try to get attention (from whom)?
And actually, just hug them, whispering "it's ok..let's go sleep" ,patting, then they would cool down, relaxing, and then sleep.

Why child cry when they are sleepy?
Was it too hard for them to KNOW they need to sleep?
Maybe just simply feeling the tiredness, they would be overwhelmed and not knowing what to do but only experiencing the uncomfortableness?

Tomorrow will be a long day.
What am I gonna do in the afternoon?
Eric Chang got a new job though.

Lily said, don't rush. Pray for the right timing. Consult God on everything myself.

What do you wanna eat tomorrow?

Laguna Beach

Saturday, Laguna Beach.

Astonished by the amazing, pretty scenary.
How nice God created this world. How nice I get to see it.

I guess too much gratitude expressing, and seems like nothing left to me. Myself.
it was very pleasant spending time with him, watching him doing works and me get somethings and reading done.

I love that place. Love just sit besides the beach. Maybe not doing anything. Just sit there. Make my brain blank. Think.
Sometimes, I become a thinker. Or I am feeling in a thinking way?

Wish I can go there some other time again.
Maybe I should go there by myself?
but I am busy...:P

Complex

I guess it's a day full of complex feelings.

Was happy about Sunny's nice skill. Kinda satisfied with my new haircut.
Was looking forward to meet Joe for lunch, and was wondering how would he thinks about my haircut.
( typical woman's feeling? care about how we look in the person's(who we care about) eyes? )

I actually prepared lots of things to tell him today. From mom's call in the morning, the Meyers' letter, updates of Carrie, Marriage builder, and even remember to bring my counseling program note with me. During our Gyro time, I kept looking at time, and asked "should you go back to work now?" I guess I really feel bad I am always kinda being the person who's occupying his time. Though I know it's not true, it just makes me feel that I need to worry about is this the time he needs to go back to work, is this the time he needs to go home and sleep, is this the time he needs to go to school, is this the time he needs to work on homework. It's so frustrating to me since it looks like our relationship is spending his time. And all the other tasks he has LOOKS so legitimate. Being immatured asking, if family is gonna be the most important thing in our future life, should we also seriously spend time to dating? I guess this has nothing to do with his problem, but my own feelings. I know he cares about our relationship. I know he's investing time in our relationship. But I somehow just feel bad about me need to keep tracking the time, and remind him, you should go. Will it be better if one day I am the person who has less free time?

Feeling need to be loved today afternoon so badly.
I don't know maybe the feelings during lunch time has effected me somehow. I was a little bit childish, even wanna cry when I couldn't see a clear sentence in the bible that God says he loves me. I read my own schedule about Joshua, and kept feel why on earth need I read these fights, battle stories when I feel so wanna be loved? "Do not be afraid. Be couragous" ok, ok, I know this, but what else? Looking up in the dictionary while I read through Max Lucado's book again. Though quite familiar with the story of "You Are Special", I still feel so wanna cry when reading what Eli said to the Wemmicks.
"Lord, you love me, right? just like Eli to those Wemmicks" "I love you and I died for you because of I love you" I don't know was it me reminding myself God loves me or God did try to remind me how much He loves me. I sat in the car, watching sky. "Why God created those clouds?" I asked. "I don't know why, but the trees looks so pretty in the sunset."
I saw Joe and Janet walked out of the building. I pretened not seeing anything. I felt sleepy after coffee, I tried rest a while before our time tonight cuz I wanna spend time together energetically. Oh, right. Now I figure out one more thing. I guess I care about him, but also feel discouraged when seeing him being tired. It was never his fault but it's sad when it's time he can be with me, he probably would always be a little bit tired since it's after work or school. Do I ever get tired? I do. I feel tired driving, but I need to drive down then I could have church, I could go to counseling class, I could help with Audio and sing in the choir. That's just what I need to do. 8800 miledge increasement in half a year. That was so crazy.

The most unexpecting thing was he actually gave my card to someone else and never get the chance to have it back. That's the card I wrote FOR HIM. I wrote more than twice, kept thinking "which word I should use to best describe my feelings", "in which way should I tell my affection and won't sounds silly and insane", "would it be ok to write Chinese and then explaining to him", "Are my handwriting too ugly? " and on and on and on. If that was a little bit longer, I would say that's kinda of "love letter", and he offer that to other person to use as a paper?! I just can't understand. I guess I cry because feels hurt. Maybe it was a little bit like my effort and love-giving feels not being appreciated? I do understand he was trying to help and be nice to others. Oh well, maybe it was just much easier to say that we are from different culture. People sometimes do this here. We were just different. .............If you feel hurt he not keeping your cards, don't write it. If you feel you're just so good at it, and wanna show affection and encouragement in this way, keep doing it but without any expeciton. Includes being ready for he might throw all things away anyway. I guess it was just different. Since people I knew before, they would all cherish my hand writing stuffs. They would keep it since it was from me. I wish I didn't express myself as an idiot who already fell in love badly with him and couldn' live without him. :( That would be just bad.

The most favorite part I had today, was playing swinging in front of the garage tonight. Did those "Karen's way", "See me as who I am not one of the women in the world" make me feel I am special or important in his eye? Or that just simply made me feel being doted? (Was that a reflection and compensation of what I don' get from Dad?) I used to ask ex-bf "yield" to me though I actually won't do anything bad and would always go for his good. Was that a wrong request? Desire maybe?
( Now desire and goal become being used so frequently...) Could I enjoy talking to him in a more "cute" tone and enjoy his coaxing if there's any? Or could I just ask him to coax me if he feels like to? "You need to tell me what you want to do cuz I will never guess what you want." This is what he said today. Though I didn't feel I was asking him guess, what he said just makes me think over and over.

Did I protect him too much by not letting him exposed to girl's emotion? I feel bad when he looks in a flurry, not knowing what to do, or even when he saying I am sorry. Then I simply tell him, "it's fine, it's ok", and then pack my emotions back into my heart. Should I just encourage him take the risk of being around emotional feelings, not just saying " I don't know what to say" "I don't know what to do" "I have no experience" "It's hard for men", and then knowing I would let him pass?
Or even, stopping telling me what happened in his previous relationship, but starting face what might happen between us. Rather than telling me their hard time of parting, expecting me not doing this to him, giving me pressure of "you better not do this" "oh, no, it's happening again", could he just look at me, face OUR relationship, and let us work on our own way of departing? I know I need to think about ways to minister him, not doing things from my own need or desire, and I am willing to do that and I think I am trying. I definitely don' wanna be look like the only person who wants the other person's accompanying.

I guess I was down because I was so excited I could spend my whole Saturday and Sunday with him according to our previous plan. Driving is tiring, but it wasn't that I don't wanna drive down to him. And I actually feel I don't want him drive too much, I almost not set my mind at ease for him driving up here, or take 2 hours simply driving me back home and go back. Ha. I guess this really shows I worry too much about him and being too protective. He's an adult. Come on. He will be fine. :) And, he would be fine by listening to my feelings. I believe he's matured enough to know my feelings and not be hurt. Well, I actually hope my words and expression way are matured enough not being harmful. The most silly thing for me to do would be hurting him unconsciously by using another language. Sigh...I just wish my English could be more better.
However, I was still so excited when he said I could go down WHENEVER I want tomorrow. That simple sentence tells me a lot how he values me. By knowing that, I just easily become happy again. (well, is this also kinda silly? )

On my way driving back, actually all thoughts I wrote here would not be a problem if MINISTERING the other is the goal in a relationship. I didn't really go through again all my thoughts tonight to distinguish which parts was driven by desire and which part actually could help him grow and serve him. Though we are different, though we figure out some difference between us today, though I cried today, thought I haven't figured out what would be the best way for me to say love language to him now, I still need to praise Lord for bring him into my life. He's really a great and amazing man. And to be honest, probably he's the best one I've ever met. :) Not saying I want to marry him in the future, but just really admire him and feel "God, you're so good to make this person in this world.".

My scratching his back whenever I found my hands free, my trying to say nices words to him ( and writing in cards in case of me feeling embarrased when saying that ) are the two things now I remember in mind his preference for accepting love. ( Service, Time and Gifts, I remember he said he doesn't really need these...right? I even not dare to give him gift after he said so....@@ ----> that's really funny )

Ok. Being myself. Loving God. Doing right things. Working on relationshp seriously and rightly. Always bringing this to God.
Though looks like so many uncertainty in half year, (I even remind myself again and again, it probably would end in 6 months), though looks no direction to go, no end of the road, and it IS not easy, God stills in control, right ? Do you think God's powerful enough to handle this? Surely He is. Then do whatever you could do, pray for it and give it to Him.

Now, go to bed. And we could enjoy beach view tomorrow?
Sounds perfect!

Topics in mind

Feelings. Lessons.

Spots in life Journey.

Counseling Training

First night to Saddleback's Counseling Training program.
I LOVE this program.

Can feel my heart beats violently.
From the very beginning introduction to the end kinda getting a sence about what we gonna face in the future.
That was awesome.

I kept feeling I am so blessed and lucky (in a state of bliss) to be at Saddleback.
Bob Baker asked, where were you this time last year? Is there anything God's working on you? Get improved and changed?
I can cry out loudly saying, YES. My life now is so amazing and unexpecting. I couldn't have imagined after one year I would be at a wonderful church, learning Audio thing, singing and learning so many songs and even starting learning counseling!

Is that a dream come true?

Still remember how I being jealous of Joe's studying Psychology. I dreamed about getting into that area since high school.
If there's anything I think I am wired that way, it would be counseling ministry. And now I am having the privilege to learn.
I am learning something I knew nothing about it before in English! That makes me so excited and grateful.

Two and half years ago, I would never think about one day I would really "live an American life"- learning in English ( those engineering thing didn't really count. I am kinda used to those technical terms of English. Though I did learn from being a student in US, I still think now is the most amazing time that I grow in English ability. or say, enjoying using English?), sharing serious, deep and meanful things in English.

Thanks God. LOTS and LOTS of thanks.

After class 301, (though a little discouraged by Denise's not-deliberating response), or say from being thirst for taking class 301, really taking that, and after taking that, those times have been an undurate path to me. Not easy, a little frustrated, (I guess I should look through SHAPE small group curriculum again) but joyful when experiencing the life mission unfolding journey. And the most important thing is, God did let me know He's with me step by step and day by day.

Though I sometimes feel I just can't hear His voice. ( ha, there's still one chapter left? for "Hearing God"), though reading books and attending seminar only help me get encouragement and knowledge from others, I guess working on my own relationship with God but also practicing faith at the same time is the greatest lesson and blessing I have during this life period.

Tim Meyer said, when you can't hear God's voice, trust His plan.

"Amen, Amen". I yelled in my heart.

30 weeks program. It will end in August. Will I be able to stay here finish all those? I really have no idea.
Joe said, holding things loosely. If God let you keep it, have it gratefully. If not, just let God take it away.
It's so true and that's what I can do now.

Lord, you know my desires and my heart. You know where I should go and serve better than me. Then you get to be in charge of my life. In all aspects. I know looking at my time table, everything seems so disordered now. However, I believe when we look at your time table, all things that happened in my life are just right in time and perfect in your plan.

Help me live my life to glorify you.

Panera is always free

Free sandwich today because the namecard the manager gave me last time.
It was because I waited there for maybe 20mins and they seemed forgetting my order.
The waiter actively told the manager, and they both came apologized to me.
Then the manager gave me his namecard, said I could come back with that for free any kind sandwitch, or soup or salad.

How nice this company is!
This was my first thought.

I didn't complain anything, or say, it didn't bother me at all.
But the company has trained his employees respect and being considerate to customers.
I think that's why Panera is running a good business.

:)

Another little story to mention.
I had 7 free crispani samples last night in Panera of West Covina.
I was so full when the waiter offered the 7th piece.
He joked about me being full and started to chat with me.....@@

I guess I wasn't that ugly yesterday.
:D

1/8/2007

Whenever I feel just wanna write down some thoughts inside my mind,
date becomes a perfect title for this kind of article. :)

Last night in small group, Elisa was so passionated trying to introduce a girl she met to Joe.
Actually it doesn't bother me at all. I was laughing but didn't say anything.
Later at night, Joe said he appreciated me letting him lead all these.
I was kinda of surprised he would appreciate this. :) Anyway, I turst him and love to have him being our leader.

A little down when we went to Elisa's. I guess it was because my expection his email for such a long time.
Though it was happy to meet Betty and Elisa, I can't cheer myself up, and was kinda silent,just talked a little and feel bored.
The TV was broken so we couldn't watch the movie "Life becomes sound pleasing because of love" (what a bad translation...-.-)

It was outside of the living room I finally said something about my feelings.
I was surprised while Elisa walked Betty out, I washed those cups, he came hold me and told me how much he likes me.
Yep, a little bit surprised since I know he's so cautious about his words since he wants me to trust him and know I can believe every single word spoken by him. Thus I know, what he said he means it. That actually means a lot to me.

Later in the plaza, unexpected, he asked me about those stories I promised to tell him. We spent 3 hours. (ok, I admitted I didn't plan before sharing. I knew I told too many unrelated stuffs. Not an efficient story telling. However, I was feeling we won't have time for all those things which I want him to know......whatever..)

His maturity comforted me a lot. I love him bring me back to him and asking me look into his eyes while he helped me experience what Grace really is.

I need to say, this is a great milestone for our relationship. I no longer feel empty or need extra attention. Honestly, I don't know why, but I think God helped me grow, becoming more matured in Him.

I love God. I love to have the chance to grow.

Barack Obama

It was the HIV global summit that I first saw Barack Obama, or say first know there's a person.
At the beginning, I show no interest at all for they have a senator speaking in the conference. Though I was curious why the crowd seems like him so much. However, I knew nothing about him.

After the talk, I was so impressed by his talk and his "kinda personality".
Joe also mentioned he's the most popular person for the president election in 2008. Now I get to be more interested in him.

There's news about him today at udn.com.
Interesting!

And actually glad to know that there's a nice and great person who's serving Lord by involving in politics.
No matter what would happen next, may he be God's faithful servant in his entire life.

Matured

I gave myself a “high-sounding-tone" reason to behave myself.
I told God just let there be no emails from him.
Then I probably could spend my time more efficiently and willingly reading bibles or doing whatever things that I need to do.

Went to EZ smog test this morning. I really got 20 dollars off from Majid.
I was thinking I should go to gas stations for vacuum machine. Well, maybe later.

Was so excited when reading through chapter 4 of Marriage builder. That's exactly what we were facing and discussing last night. :) Lord, thanks for giving me the answer and help and answering my prayer always right in time.
( Does that imply the job thing will work out as well too? )

It's a sunny warm day today.
Ok. Decided. Today will be my day doing my own tasks.
Whatever I have in mind I will tell God only.

"There's no reason we need to rush, right?"

Suffocated by some nice, acurate, correct right words sometimes.

Yes Lord Yes

Yes Lord Yes

Yes Lord Yes
To your will and to your way
I say yes Lord yes
I will trust you and obey
When your Spirit speaks to me
With my whole heart I'll agree
And my answer will be yes Lord yes.

(words and music by Lynn Keesecker)

This is the day

Now in Taiwan. 3 am in the dawn.

Congrats. This is the day.

Though Carrie always tells me about how "her friend" trying to cut all the relationships between our families,
though I kinda dissappear from your life, congrats and lots of blessings to you.

Just being informed that one of the cousin would divorce soon. Marriage is not easy but it's not without hope.

I will never be able to imagine or experience the pressure you have now, I would keep you in my prayer, silently, wish you a merry wedding day and happy marriage life in the future.

Congrats again!

Maybe one day we will see each other again? with our own spouses? :)
May your life full of Joy and Blessings from the Lord Almighty. May your whole family know God one day.

Urbana 06

Planing to go there alone.
Sharing others about this information but think this is gonna be my own business, get closer to God.

Was excited about Rick Muchow and Rick Warren would be there too.
(Rick Muchow cancelled the plan I guess..)

It was nice to meet with Albert. Salty ended up didn't contacting me at all. I can't remember did I give her my number or not. Whatever..
Didn't really care about magnesium. I couldn't understand why people would pay no attention before and then grumbling about everything at the very end. Jason also made his decision at the last minute. I couldn't understand either. However, that's their own business with God. I do feel happy to share news with people. That's what I could do.

Actually a little bit disappointed about Rick and Kay Warren's talks. Not long enough, and a little bit uncompleted. Maybe being at the status as non-student, I couldn't really understand people's favor toward those speakers I don't know at all. Kinda Inside-of-Intervarsity thing?

It's nice to experience Urbana. I do know my way to go, being confirmed though haven't got the clear idea about details.

Urbana! This is a little bit memory for CEF as well.
I do feel blessed being saved and educated by God.

Thanks Lord.

My happy 2007

It has been only 3 days since 2007 came.
I wish my 2007 would be a happy and grateful one.

Almost smiling all the way back to Orange County.
The end of 2006 and the beginning of 2007 did surprised me A LOT.

The *modified* Urbana06
The morning when Mark spoke to me. Later Joe gave me the positive answer-"this is where we are going". "Yep, you can say that" "Or, give him my number.."
Then, it began!
The countdown of 2006. The first moment of 2007.
The sharing at the bagel store.

:)
I learned facing my embarrassing moments and speaking out truth with honesty.
Can't wait to grow as fast as I can.