Wedding preparation I

I finally started my dress shopping last week. Stores in Temple city have really bad services. Not sure if it's because they are not Taiwanese, therefore, some communications and expectations cause the problems. David's Bridal, however, was such a cool place (especially after the bad experience in Temple City). I found one dress that I really like, but my wallet doesn't like it that much.

Wedding preparation starts becoming stressful to me. I love the dream that family will help you, but hated that I can never get used to their way of communication and comparison or even put down. Mimi said, just let them do whatever they want, the most important thing is get them to pay! May sound odd, funny or even sad. However, that's probably the best strategy.

This preparation makes me know myself more that I am not a huge fan of planning details of a big project. I don't like that I ended up needing to do research, make phone calls, drive, make decisions by myself. I decided to imagine God holding my hands and hugging me all the time in the whole process. Should I apply for a wedding website? Should I make appointment to interview make-up artist now?

Do I have the problem trusting people will love me and help me in all the ways they can? Mom and sis seem to be the only legitimate people that I can fully count on. (not to mention the hassle ). However, friends are the more loving and friendly ones. sigh. Knot.com gave me over 100 items on checklist that's already due. Yep, thank you, why do I need to be the one who mark off the check list? (see how not excited I am about this...)

It reminds me about the experience when I grew up. I never knew how much money I am allow to spend. I try to be super frugal, but feel resented inside while seeing others get to spend more money and being pampered that way. My frugal expense didn't win me any compliment. Then later I occasionally want to spend money on several specific things, no matter how expensive they are, to make myself feel I am worthy spending money on.

This feeling came up while deciding the wedding band. Do they suggest the other because they don't want to spend money on me or they really think the other one is nicer? I can foresee it applies to my wedding dress too.

Another realization is accepting that my closest friends in Taiwan won't be able to make it here. In reality, they are really out of my circle of living now too. I feel wanted to make sure some people will be there, thinking that probably makes me feel treasured?

Maybe it's not much about preparation for wedding, but learning and accepting the reality before the big day.

I want a project manager for my wedding project, who will take it over and see it as his/her responsibility. Is it realistic? God, give me one!

Valentine's Day

I used to think Valentine's Day is a day when both people celebrate with each other, not just guy needs to please the woman. Not sure where I got this idea. I probably feel I don't want to take advantage of the "princess privilege."

This Valentine's Day was a very different one. I have been caught up by midterm, paper and presentations. To a degree that none of the wedding preparation has been done. I told Joe long time ago just giving me a card and don't spend money on anything else. We are pretty tight recently, and I think I don't need to stress him by giving me a big surprise or something.

Saturday, Joe was a big sad that he had to go to a dental appointment before coming to my place. I was just free from my midterm, (also know that my position will be cut soon) haven't prepared anything and didn't expect much from this holiday.

He showed up at my door with flowers and card! Several bags on his hands and he refused me taking them over and seeing what's inside. It turned out that he found some special recipes, and did homework to buy one of my favorite food- abalone! When I imagined the picture that he went to ranch 99 himself, looking through the shelf to find what exactly an abalone can looks like, I just can't help smile and feel super touched. He remembered what we shared as an fun exercise what's my favorite food and even found it himself!

The extraordinary Valentine's meal is cheese fondue, love rice, and bread pudding as dessert. Did I say Joe has the great potential to be a great cook? He proved himself that day! Though I am really not a cheese fan, the flavor of love rice and bread pudding are really really good. I am now thinking maybe I should ask for a homemade bread pudding as my birthday cake.

Grateful

Things to be grateful of...

1. I am not marrying to ex-bf, so I don't have the hassle and trouble of figuring out how to balance a traditional wedding because of his parents but insist on having a wedding that matches my belief.
--> big one to be thankful for.

2. Not bound to what lunar calendar says about what days to get married. --> Having a God who is greater than all the spiritual power saves lots of troubles.

3. I only have one side of the families to worry about regarding the wedding rituals. They are even super far away.

4. Friends to play with and form the wedding planning committee with.

Group project

I have always hated group project. Of course the main reason is that I have never had a good experience from it. And I have another group project now, and I am not enjoying it so far.

Hated the feeling of impatient and explosion, I want to find a way to affirm people and work with people that I don't agree with. However, it's hard. It also remind me that if I don't work on polishing my English more, it will bring me more and more problems working with other people.

Fairness is another issue that always kicks in. Why do I need to be the one who finds all the resource in Gottman's book just because I had read it? When I felt people are working on the wrong direction and refuse to listen or wake up, I get really really frustrated.

Anyway, I hate group project.