自暴自棄

開始自暴自棄了。
20頁的報告，我只有不到兩頁...=.=
雖說我的quote加上outline有十七頁了，但是怎麼填進廢話把他加長加寬勒?

昨晚一邊翻reference一邊狂吃
其實心裡蠻有準備的，應該會體重上升，結果今天早上還發現少了0.2磅！

快點把報告和final essay搞定吧，然後我就可以把這個階段關上門，走向下一階段了！
快點快點加油！

ps. Derek我完全了解你的不 appreciate paper是什麼意思阿...

Paper

While walking into the office with my client this morning, I answered her "how are you" question with honesty. "Good, I am working on my paper. I've procrastinated a lot." "Procrastinate? you?" She couldn't believe I had this bad habit. "Yeah," I said. "And I procrastinate a lot. I constantly ask myself when will you learn from this? Then the next time, it happens again!"

So, just to give the preview that yes, I am working on my 20-page paper which is due tomorrow. I only have incomplete outline and some quotes. Still flipping through my reference book.

Good things was when Joe asked me today during lunch about my progress. He gave me encouragement and compliment for what I already had. Did not focus on my notorious procrastination habit at all. Thanks, honey!

大決定

並沒有撰寫文章的心情
只是想要留下記錄

26晚上基本上是選擇聽Linda的話
做了很惶恐的決定 並且告訴了他
有時候不知道是年紀的關係
還是本來我的狀況就比較複雜
很難有人了解

Linda說 設想我們是每天一起hang out的好朋友
我們之間最大差異與不同是什麼
我吞吞吐吐的說 我的台灣圈你很難進來
不過！那是台灣耶
就像她不能以midwest當為基點 一直往後比較一樣
另外還有 一般男孩子傾向有的特性
也不是個好理由來躊躇

最傻的是把這有害的階段拉長
她說

我其實很敬佩可以坦白跟別人分享自己經歷的人
就像我非常感謝Linda告訴我她的婚姻和當初如何在一起和有什麼點bother她的分享
相比起另一個我提問的年輕夫妻
感覺上的self-introspection就蠻差的
甚至是只能給出“以婚姻為前提交往“或是“沒有任何問題“的答案

不是我要不相信美好
只是真的讀的研究 看的case也多了
套句Bob的話 我不再naive了
所以我就是知道 問不出什麼有建設性的意見
知道要換對象就是

不知道是什麼帶給我這麼大的躍進轉變
越來越覺得很多以前認識的朋友思緒追不上我
是人文教育的練習
是看生命中的真實案例學習
是和有智慧的女性長輩互動
還是 學到更多道理真理呢

說不定
都有喔

Coffee talk

Had a great talk with Linda today.
It was super exciting to me hearing Linda's past experience.
Can't wait for the second one.

04032008

今天動怒著流淚著笑著
跟Judo講了affection的事
他也把握機會了教我所謂如何listen well的功課

打著剩下27天可活的名義
我把自己變得比較獨立
覺得要練習可有可無的他
然後 給予絕對的自由 大不了我走

晚上他跟著我去了新著小組
見到面時 親吻時
都一再的跟我說 想念和喜歡

晚上我們去買了水果
他在描述半天我還是搖頭的情況下
進屋兩三下清潔溜溜的幫我削了一整棵鳳梨

記錄下來
雖然頭在疼
雖然想著說不定之後要去counseling
雖然感覺著新小組 只有我一個asian的感覺

這是今天

阿～～～頭好疼

04012008

Just want to leave some record about what has happened recently.

Talked with Joe on Sunday a bit.
I don't know if we both accepted the problem and both noticed what we did causing hurt in others.

Pretty much it is just putting off. We are either sick or busy.

Talked to Sherry a bit. She highly recommended us going to counselors. She said we are in transitions. She can feel the hurt from words I describe about the conversation.

She was too codependent before to call the relationship off. The questions and problems now I am thinking about are worth thinking and should be dealt with before marriage.