Love thoughts

Love Is a Choice
by Rick Warren

… That you may love the Lord your God, listen to his voice, and hold fast to him. For the Lord is your life, and he will give you many years in the land he swore to give to your fathers, Abraham, Isaac and Jacob. Deuteronomy 30:20 (NIV)

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Love is a choice and a commitment. You choose to love or you choose not to love.

Today we’ve bought into this myth that love is uncontrollable, that it’s something that just happens to us; it’s not something we control. In fact, even the language we use implies the uncontrollability of love. We say, “I fell in love,” as if love is some kind of a ditch. It’s like I’m walking along one day and bam! – I fell in love. I couldn’t help myself.

But I have to tell you the truth – that’s not love. Love doesn’t just happen to you. Love is a choice and it represents a commitment.

There’s no doubt about it, attraction is uncontrollable and arousal is uncontrollable. But attraction and arousal are not love. They can lead to love, but they are not love. Love is a choice.

You must choose to love God; he won’t force you to love him (Deuteronomy 30:20). You can thumb your nose at God and go a totally different way. You can destroy your life if you choose to do that. God still won’t force you to love him. Because he knows love can’t be forced.

And this same principle is true about your relationships: you can choose to love others, but God won’t force you to love anyone.

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One of the friends wanted to become a missionary at Afghanistan. She applied for the teaching position at international school over there. God's calling was so strong in her life that she constantly felt for the poor, the sick, especially in that area. And it comes to this guy whom she's dating now.

"I will see if God lets our relationship grow during this period of time. If it does, that means God wants me to stay here with him and not go to Afghanistan," she said.

Like what the devotion articles says above, people think love is something that just happen to you. It's not even rare to see that attitude in Christian circle. I wonder if we sometimes are just too afraid to admit what's really in our minds. Take the friend as an example, a good question to ask her would be, "do you feel backing off about God's calling because you dream to get married and you don't want to miss it if it can happen with this relationship?" Wanting to get married is not wrong at all. However, if that dream is so big that we are willing to pull off all other aspects of growth in our lives, then it may cause problems in the future.

Love is a choice. God gives us free will, and choosing who to love is definitely within that realm. It's not to say that God has nothing to do with our relationship lives. He definitely bless, guide, and is in control of it. However, stop using God as an excuse to explain why relationship improves or deteriorate. We, are the ones that are responsible for that.

How to Resolve Conflict with Your Spouse (Part 3)

How to Resolve Conflict with Your Spouse (Part 3)
by Rick Warren


Wisdom … is peace-loving and courteous. It allows discussion and is willing to yield to others … James 3:17 (LB)

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If you’re going to pull together when you’re pulled apart, you have to:

Concentrate on reconciliation, not resolution. Reconciliation means to re-establish the relationship; resolution means to resolve every issue by coming to agreement on everything.

That’s simply not going to happen. I don’t care if you both love the Lord and are both deeply in love with each other, there are some things you’ll never agree on because God has wired each of us differently.

But you can disagree without being disagreeable. That’s called wisdom. The Bible says in James 3, “Wisdom … is peace-loving and courteous. It allows discussion and it is willing to yield to others.”

The Bible says it’s wise to compromise. You can have unity without uniformity. You can walk hand-in-hand without seeing eye-to-eye. You can have reconciliation without resolution of every issue.

Some of you are worn out from the conflict in your marriage. You want to throw in the towel. Don’t do it! It is more rewarding to resolve a conflict than to dissolve a relationship.

Let me close with a couple of suggestions:

1. Get help. Many marriages are miserable, and they go year after year with the same old problems because the couple doesn’t seek professional help. Don’t go to just anybody; get a godly counselor who bases his/her practice on God’s Word.

2. Let God help. The other thing you need to do is get help from God. You can’t do this on your own. I’ve seen these steps work, but you need Christ’s power to work them.

Many marriage conflicts could be solved overnight if both the husband and wife would kneel before Jesus and say, “We humble ourselves and humbly ask you to make this thing work. We submit our egos to you and our hurts to you. Jesus, do what only you can do.”

How to Resolve Conflict with Your Spouse (Part 2)

How to Resolve Conflict with Your Spouse (Part 2)
by Rick Warren


Live together in harmony, live together in love, as though you had only one mind and one spirit between you … in humility think more of each other than you do of yourselves. Philippians 2:3-4 (PH)

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If you’re going to pull together when you’re pulled apart, you have to:

Convene a peace conference. Conflict does not resolve itself. It must be dealt with intentionally. Conflict gets worse when you leave it alone. Jesus says don’t ignore it. Deal with the issue while you can. If you’ve got something wrong with somebody or they’ve got something wrong with you, God says you go to them.

When? At once. Postponed conflict only gets worse. Another verse in the Bible says, “Don’t let the sun go down on your anger” (Ephesians 4:26 HCSB). I think that means 24 hours would be the maximum amount of time you should let something go unresolved. You need to settle it as soon as possible, before it festers and turns into bitterness.
Consider my mate’s perspective. I can’t just look at my own viewpoint, my own situation; I have to look at your viewpoint too. This is very difficult because it’s not natural. It requires an intentional shift where I have to change my focus from looking at my needs to looking at your needs. It takes God to do that.

When you understand where people are coming from, it’s so much easier. The better you understand your mate, the less conflict you’re likely to have with him or her.

How do you learn to understand your spouse? Listen. Listen more than you talk. This again is not easy for many of us. It’s not easy for me. Some of us get so anxious to make our point, to tell our side, to defend ourselves that we don’t even stop to listen to the other person’s point of view or what they are saying.

You are most like Christ when you ask, “What are her/his needs and how can I meet them?” When you’re angry, you’re preoccupied with yourself. But when you’re like Christ, you look to each other’s interests and not merely your own. One of the most powerful peacemaking statements you can say to your husband/wife is, “I’m sorry. I was only thinking of myself.”

How to Resolve Conflict with Your Spouse (Part 1)

How to Resolve Conflict with Your Spouse (Part 1)
by Rick Warren


You quarrel and fight. You do not have, because you do not ask God. James 4:2 (NIV)

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Sometimes the biggest conflicts in marriage are over the most trivial issues. One of the silliest fights Kay and I ever had was over bath soap.

If you’re going to pull together when you’re pulled apart, you have to:

Call on God for help. Pray about it. Before you go to your spouse about the problem, discuss it with God. This may solve the problem right there. Practice what I call “ventilating vertically.” Many of you are very good at ventilating horizontally, but ventilating vertically is when you come to God and say, “Here’s how I feel,” and you just lay it out.

James 4:2 teaches, “You quarrel and fight. You do not have because you do not ask God” (NIV). Conflict often occurs when we expect other people to meet needs that only God himself can meet in our lives.

Confess your part of the conflict. Before I start attacking and blaming, I need to do a frank evaluation and ask, “How much of this conflict is my fault? I need to do an honest checkup and admit my part. When you’re wrong, admit it. And when you’re right, shut up!

Be honest. Matthew 7:3-5, Jesus said, “Why do you look at the speck in another’s eye and pay no attention to the log in your own eye? … First take the log out of your own eye, and then you will be able to see clearly” (GNT).

I need to ask, “Am I being unrealistic? Am I being insensitive? Am I being overly sensitive? Am I being too demanding? Am I being ungrateful?”

Tomorrow we’ll look at two more steps to resolving conflict with your spouse.


© 2008 Purpose Driven Life. All rights reserved.

Me being open

It should be a CR night actually.
After finishing car maintenance, I stayed at MC2 doing my translation task. (basically only typing and format part finished.) I was a little bit concerned staying there, occupying a cubic. However, since he said it would be ok, I stayed! Staying at the place haveing him in my eyesight, and enjoying free, excellent coffee is not a big problem to me. :)

Lisa, Kuang, and Janet were all working there. 'Should I say anything to them? or simply doing my work pretending I am invisible?' I puzzled a little bit, and then chose being quiet.

Listening to "new brother" JD's sroty at dinner time. His parents are just incredible. I did once think about what whould it be if there's a time that I get to meet his parents. Though it's still too early to worry about it, and it's definitely something I should put in the future, not now, I think just knowing some stories about his family is now enough for me releasing at this moment.

Then I skipped CR.
(Worrying about how Denise would response about this.)
I asked some probing question about feelings. Being confused about how far I can go was not fun. I wasn't sure whether it's a good timing to ask these questions or not. However, thanks God, it went out to be pleasing. Heard about lots of good words, revealing a little bit feelings, and I do wanna make sure he knows how I value his stories.

Can't wait for Urbana.

Dinner with Derek? Accountability partner! wow...pretty excited about meeting someone that already heard about me.

(yep, quite surprised when knowing Paul, Denise know about me before)

Jokes

Playing "It's Christmas" from Rick Muchow in Tent 3,
Bobby: Who's this?
Karen: Rick Muchow.
(Music playing..)
Bobby: Oh yeah, it's him. Can you hear the baldness?

"The Journey" dress rehearsal at WC,
Rick: That's start from bald. (stroking his head..)

"The Journey" dress rehearsal at Plaza room,
Rick: I am gonna make a little bit adjustment.
Tim: You just don't care about my music, do you?

Tim: I like this music, it just came to my mind.

Rick: Choir, do this.
(Tim making faces/grimacing behind Rick...)

Rick: We want harmony! Tim, come up and do something.
Tim: (staring at Rick) I can't do it right away! (starting writing down harmony note)
Tim: ok, Tenor, this is your part.
Tim: Soprano, sing your melody with Tenor, and we will see what Alto should do.

At WC, running the christmas melody,
Rick: my son said, Focus dad! Focus! (then the payless funny story)
This is my point. Focus everybody!

Rick: Mychal, does guitar sounds good to you?
MJ: NO
Rick: Can you fix it?

Foundations Potluck

Today is the last day of Foundations of this year. We had a potluck for those wonderful women. Arriving quite early, and Greg almost let me do everything! He said he would be the A2 today. (Ha, again, I didn't remember what that stands for. some kinda of assistant engineer?)

Well, those cables were there already. I basically just turn for the monitors Bobby, Linda and Kathy would need. No EQs. No drum today. Lavs prepared but not being used. HH1 works well, but the other one is not. (Greg said it does not belong to this tent!) Satisfying Bobby's need for 2 music stands.

I enjoy being that special! While Bobby and Greg were asked to grab food first. They beckoned me follow them. ("I am pretending I am a guy", "Yup, you are!".) Nancy brought christmas gifts for each of us! There was even Trisha coming up and thank me for helping out here.

Again, I felt so blessed can be any helpful. I really just did a little. I basically just learn stuffs there. I do wish I can help out for next year which Greg said there's gonna be another event and he needs to take care of that!

Thank you, Lord. Thanks.

Two more days before launch-- "The Journey"

It has been three rehearsals so far. I still haven't run anything really as a script reader.
However, each time stepping into WC, there's always something to surprise me.

The first time was the script itself and some scenes.
The second time, actually a little bit surprising of Tim Davis's appearance. (ok, Greg also did a nice rescuing thing on me)
The third time, tonight, the stage has been set up. Running through the tech run, I do appreciate the chance watching audioman and lightman doing their cues.

"It's not about me", I keep telling myself. If there's a need there, then I am here for it.
Even if just one XLR and direct box, one LAV or mic, I can help as a little screw.

MJ sounds like assuming I will be there tomorrow. Well, am I commiting to too many ministries?

I do love to be at two places at the same time. Rehearsal as a choir member and a 2nd FOH(?)

We'll see.
_

Two things let me tear

It was an ok day for me, from my first thought.

Being at Panera from noon, and then heading to church to be there at 5pm for the rehearsal.

I remembered when driving down on 5 freeway, listening to the song "Reach one more". This is the very first time I listen carefully to what Alva's singing. Suddenly, I realized this is definitely the song written for Rick Warren's dad, I began trembled and teared. I can't help but crying when imagining this story, when imaging seeing this scene what Rick said in the intro.

Do I, also carry this words as the theme of my life?

The second heart-stirring thing will be The Journey.

Though there was no audio people there when I arrived at 5pm, there even remains no people around for the whole night. I still am very touched by this story. Of course the whole setting for this musical are fantastic. However, I do believe this is God who put this overwhelming power in this script and in the atmosphere when we exalted His name.

I am so blessed to be one part of this family.
Thanks for Kathy's kindness helping me figuring out who's gonna taking care of me. She also brought me to Plaza room, showed some stuff to me so I need not staying in the WC by myself. I also learned some MJ's story. This KID is so great! (Yeah, kid..) I am so impressed.


Lyrics~

REACH ONE MORE FOR JESUS

As I looked in my father's eyes
Sat by his bed and held his hand
And I said my last goodbyes
He just held on for as long as he can
And I heard him say

Reach one more for Jesus
Before I close my eyes
I must reach one more for Jesus
I won't let another day go by
That's what I'm living for
To reach one more
One more for Jesus

As I sat by my father's side
I lay down my head upon his bed
And he felt the tears I cried
And he placed his hand upon my head
And I heard him say
Reach one more for Jesus
Before you close your eyes
You must reach one more for Jesus
Don't let another day go by
That's what you're living for
To reach one more
One more for Jesus

Before he closed his eyes
For the final time
And left this earth
For home he said

Reach one more for Jesus
Before we close our eyes
Reach one more for Jesus
Don't let another day go by
That's what we're living for
To reach one more
One more for Jesus

That's what we're living for
To reach one more
For Jesus

I just love it

I did enjoy all these activities so much. Maybe I should say enjoy those people so much as well.

Greg Baker, David, MJ, Eric, Telor, Floyd, Kathy, Netheneal,
Rick Muchow, Tim Davis, Mini, Fran, Teri, Morrise, Larry, Mary, ...

HIV/AIDS conference was great. Not just about those famous people, but all those God's faithful servants were so great in inspiring and encouraging me. I do enjoy and look forward this kind of life.

And, I just knew that not everyone knows how does people get HIV!

HIV spreads through contact with blood, semen, vaginal fluids, or breast milk from infected people. Contact can come from unsafe sex. It can also come from sharing used needles and syrings. Infected women can pass the virus to their babies during pregnance, childbirth, and breast feeding. It is also possible to become infected with HIV through a blood transfusion, although this isnow very rare.

People do not become infected with HIV through everyday casual contact with people at school, work, home, or anywhere else. The virus is not spread from contact with sweat, tears, saliva, or a casual kiss from an infected person (deep, or "French" kissing is not advised). Nor can people become infected from contact with forks, cups, clothes, phones, toilet seats, or other things used by someone who is infected with HIV. People do not become infected from eating food prepared by an HIV-infected person. People have not become infected with HIV through insect bites.

Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving is around the corner! It's tomorrow, actually.

In the choir rehearsal this Tuesday, Stan Endicott, the choir director, asked us to write down 20 things to be thankful for. He said, the first 10 things would be just kinda superficial, while the next 1o things would be much harder for you to thank for.

I thought about my status now, and wrote down my 20 thankful things pretty easily.

1. Living healthy
2. Staying in US so far
3. Choir and audio tech ministry to join
4. Great church to attend (saddleback church)
5. Have place to stay (Thanks, Aunt)
6. Parents who care me and love me
7. Friends that I know while in Pgh
8. Friends in saddleback small group, audio team, choir and career ministry
9. Sweet and warm host families: Ron& Darlene Hann, Mark& Amy Meyer
10. My dear sister Carrie

11. Mick's getting married
12. Got no job and still alive
13. A car to drive
14. Haven't ran out of $
15. New tote
16. Urbana Youth Convention at the end of year
17. Albert's friendship and PS2
18. Accountability partners: Eileen and Lily
19. KLV's spiritual habit competition
20. SongN's friendship

Life is not always happy when things don't always go in the way we want.
I do feel discouraged, exhausted, depressed, sad, angry, and hopeless sometimes. However, when I look at those wonderful blessings in my life, I started to see this world in another way.
Thanksgiving is not about delicious turkeys and pies only. It's a great time and chance to say, "I am so thankful for you, Lord, for the darkness and the brightness in my life."