Reminder-unasked advice

It didn't take long for me to receive another unasked advice from someone who had heard my prayer request in a group sharing setting. My radar wasn't on for a while. Only till later the awakening realization sunk in and I started feel intruded and unsafe. This has been the second time ever since I was exposed to the rule of "only focusing on yourself and do not offer advices, comments or suggestions if not being explicitly asked."

It is because of my personal experience that makes me understand deeply how hurtful and destructive unasked advice giving can be. I want to remind and encourage myself to be the safe person and don't resemble this mistake like others who may or may not be aware of this principle.

Gender fish bowl practice observation

During the class today, professors took about 20 students who volunteered to participate to do the gender fish bowl practice. Women go first, everybody listen, and then guys turn.

Other than the content difference to the questions: what was it like for you growing up as a boy/girl, I notice some differences between women and men's group.

It's interesting to see guys sit down as a circle and try to share. Not sure if this is a gender difference or preference difference, here are some things:
1. Someone pointed to another man to be the first guy to start sharing, while women seem find volunteer to be the first one to share.
2. Guys then follow the circle taking time share, while women took the popcorn style letting whoever want to share go.
3. Guys tend to share something about others. Even though they eventually get to the point of their own experience, they seem to have more "difficulty" go right into the topic? Not sure if this is a gender difference, or just not used to practice a lot. I wonder if in CR group, men started like this also but gradually get more used to "dive to the core".
4. There seem to be fewer women struggle with lacking female adult model around them while most men didn't have emotional connection/access to male adult model.

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This kind of activity looks fun to have in a safe small group setting. Should be a good chance to touch feelings and explore about individual's own growth and lessons from peers.

Counsel, or advice to friend

It's interesting to me that I can see myself using some counseling skills when talking to friends. One special guy friend usually calls me when he has relationship problems. (yep, surprises me too.) I listen and make those uh-um sound, ask before I give advices or thoughts from my perspective. Now I know that even earlier in the conversation with Song why I rejected a lot of his ideas and input before. Hee. (so I just chat for something funny, never really want to know what his ideas are.)

Same struggles come out of surface again and again.
I don't know if I can use follow principles that well if I am by myself. Surely I would love to carry those principles in my life. Um...I don't know.

Relationships always make people sad, aren't they?
He's a good guy, but just need to make some change.
Hope he can find the modified way soon and has a great relationship in the future.

Progress

The counseling session went super well today.
Counselee's smile and expression at the end totally blows me away. We thank God for working in the lives.

In the one hour supervision group, I strangely feel the sense of independent, assurance, and approval feeling. There are seconds that I was thinking this is how it feels when I am doing something and working on something. Being myself, Contributing myself, just myself. And I am myself, a person who got acknowledged, complimented, and accepted.

Linda shared her theory about kids. The adorable one, the can-not-let-go stage, then are-you-18-yet period. Shelli laughed as we both see the upcoming of next stage. Another laughing moment is the suddenly awaken moment of shouldn't get married and shouldn't have kids. Again everyone laughs. "That's so normal," we concluded.

That probably doesn't really help.
I don't know.

Anyway. Nice counseling day. And the phone call follow up went pretty well too.

Sexuality

Today's reading includes sexuality and sexual therapy.
Though Rosenau, D., Sytsma, M. and Taylor, D. already wrote that counselors need to work on desensitizing your self about sexual topics, I still scream and yell for the whole time while reading it.

Same feeling comes when I checked friends' blog knowing that this person is pregnant, that person just got a baby. I inevitably think I probably should already desensitize these whole area long time ago, shouldn't I? I mean, considering about my age...?

Anyway, one point is that good, correct and healthy sexuality education is important to everyone! (not only in counseling setting)

When I read those chapters, I was really grateful about those information. It seems like God just grant me the right topic and necessary information that I need. Super grateful that I got to read them before next Tuesday!

Empathy

其實我不記得是Empathy或是Sympathy了。
大概是Empathy吧，所謂的同理，真正體會別人的處境。
覺得自己好像有點喪失了，失去想要細細鑽就別人感覺的熱情，
變得只想大筆一揮，宣判，然後給五分鐘的解藥。

很明顯，這行不通。

這是我上周做諮商後很深刻的自省。我好像變成急於評論給意見，心裡想著"你自己也說要問我意見的阿"
可是之後我卻覺得我常常講著，事情不會一夜之間改變，人們需要被了解傾聽、被鼓勵才能繼續改變成長，我卻好像沒有這樣做。

不能怪罪啾豆給我的各樣薰陶或是影響。不諱言他是一個思路清晰，博學多聞、知曉很多道理的高手，但是我學習跟他討論不同議題，學習有信心的批判思考，卻不同等於遺落面對真實的人的同理心阿。

星期二又要來了，加油。

I don't quite remember was it "empathy" or "sympathy". To think and feel in others' point of view. Put myself in others' shoes. Noticing that I seem to lose the passion of experiencing, figuring out other's feelings under their words and behaviors. I become quickly to conclude, judge and give out the quick fix.

Apparently, it doesn't work.

After last Tuesday's counseling session, I felt I became rushing into conclusion, thinking "you were the one who came in ask for suggestion." However, it is actually the opposite of what I used to say, things won't change over one night; people need to be heard and understood. After being encouraged, then they will start to change and grow.

I can't blame the influence and training from Joe. No doubt that he is a great person with clear mind and abundant knowledge. I learn to discuss different issues with him, learn to do analytical thinking. However, I should be aware of not to lose the compassion when facing a real person.

Go and be alert! Here comes another Tuesday.

Confidentiality

Pondering about writing some thoughts down or not for a while. I was concerned about the strict confidentiality requirement could be easily broken. Bob said, even to spouse, he said nothing, no body language or sign. Completely nothing! That's what he wants us to do. If you have some thoughts, go to supervision group and talk about it. You can get feedback, and you can give your opinion to others. I guess that's true. Therefore, I will just limit this sharing here to be my own growth and my experience of exploding another ministry.