How to Resolve Conflict with Your Spouse (Part 1)

How to Resolve Conflict with Your Spouse (Part 1)
by Rick Warren


You quarrel and fight. You do not have, because you do not ask God. James 4:2 (NIV)

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Sometimes the biggest conflicts in marriage are over the most trivial issues. One of the silliest fights Kay and I ever had was over bath soap.

If you’re going to pull together when you’re pulled apart, you have to:

Call on God for help. Pray about it. Before you go to your spouse about the problem, discuss it with God. This may solve the problem right there. Practice what I call “ventilating vertically.” Many of you are very good at ventilating horizontally, but ventilating vertically is when you come to God and say, “Here’s how I feel,” and you just lay it out.

James 4:2 teaches, “You quarrel and fight. You do not have because you do not ask God” (NIV). Conflict often occurs when we expect other people to meet needs that only God himself can meet in our lives.

Confess your part of the conflict. Before I start attacking and blaming, I need to do a frank evaluation and ask, “How much of this conflict is my fault? I need to do an honest checkup and admit my part. When you’re wrong, admit it. And when you’re right, shut up!

Be honest. Matthew 7:3-5, Jesus said, “Why do you look at the speck in another’s eye and pay no attention to the log in your own eye? … First take the log out of your own eye, and then you will be able to see clearly” (GNT).

I need to ask, “Am I being unrealistic? Am I being insensitive? Am I being overly sensitive? Am I being too demanding? Am I being ungrateful?”

Tomorrow we’ll look at two more steps to resolving conflict with your spouse.


© 2008 Purpose Driven Life. All rights reserved.

Comfort

I want you comfort me.
Emails are said with watery eyes. *pathetic*

Class. to learn theories or self

What's interesting is that the issues we talk about in "Marriage and Interpersonal relationship" totally applies to me in my current life. I am stuck in the trauma and pattern from the past. The trauma tells my brain, "Wake up! This is the most important thing in the world!" Other things around in my life just dim. Very true. I haven't had a chance to see if my reaction actually imitates any family member's conditioned reaction in this kind of situation. Um..in that sense, the class is actually refreshing and giving me a chance to jump out of the circle and look at things objectively.

A bit clueless about my own status. Feel want to change or even just say a spell. Lord, help me move my stiff leg when it's ready. Help me even be able to feel the stiff and realize this is not something to hide, but to give a good hot massage to relieve.

無措

這詞好像出現好多好多次了。到底可以出現幾次阿。非常嚴重。很怕別人很討厭我，所以小心翼翼的，像要找出答案，然後最好可以改變事實。很怕。很怕很怕。很想要什麼都不見。覺得很難，覺得自己又進了死胡同。來個人幫我理清路線吧，讓我可以知道怎麼走。

是要先有放心，還是要先有勇氣。勇氣會帶出放心嗎？不確定。鴕鳥覺得把抽屜關起來，看不見外面就是安全了。心裡也配合的覺得安全。想要放心，只是因為撐不住情緒嗎？想要放心，是軟弱還是自私？

還是，關起來吧。關。

Another reflection

Wondering if I am having that prejudice against you. Like Cameron said in the class: if so, we then will look for all the evidence to proof what we've already believed.

Maybe, I feel I am not qualified anymore. Before he rejects me, I want to go ahead and cut it off. Coward. I am.

Maybe, people can't afford not love. I don't act like I believe. I probably need to go back to the sermon about why you still try to love after being failed or disappointed.

I am paranoid thinking people don't like me. doh.

Must be

The quiz must end perfectly.
I must be great.
There is no reason I should fail or not pass perfectly.
*Therefore I tense*

[It's ok.] ok even if I don't score perfectly?
[Ok if you don't score perfectly.]
[You are perfect in my eyes. I know who you are and how much intelligence you have. Those scores won't change that.] What about the scholarship?
[Same. Won't change a single bit. ok?]

Must be.
I feel I must proof that I am smart and intelligent. I must be great because I want the eyes respect me.
If.
If the wings behind me still support me like they did before. Where's the wing?

Focus on one thing. I am learning to be like guys--that I can close one drawer up and open another one.

Santa Ana wind

The wind plus flying rocks and sands make my feet crack BADLY. Poor monkie. It hurts. I need shoes but I don't have them with me now. I only have sandals. The wind blows again. Guess tomorrow morning will be another crazy windy morning again. This is another little thing that I want to cry for 撒嬌。It's just sad that I don't know what to do.

Am I make history pretty, or simply not realistic?

Does anyone really accept me as who I am?

Bad wind