Fun Memorial Day

Had a super fun Memorial Day this year. Janet invited us to her place for ribs and roast chicken. I was really glad that Sean got to come as well. Janet and Joe were the busy and great cooks! I help myself and Sean drinks, and then we both started browsing the trashy magazines.... :P However, soon after Joe and Sean hooked up the PS2, we all jump into the drum beater team. (well, I guess, Janet and Joe only tried a bit, and then Sean and I were in the team!!) It was my first time finding out another interesting team competition mode in Dai-Ko version 6! Super fun!
Our lunch/early dinner were spectacular- chicken, tri-tip, grilled eggplant, tuna salad, cabbage, and watermelon! We all got pretty full after the first round. PS2 soon got forgotten. We switched to board games!

Redneck life was hilarious about the incidents that players would encounter during the game. Janet and Joe laughed with all the words that I possibly can learn from the game! We all laughed terribly during the game and the result was Joe, amazingly kept all his teeth, won the game! Mexican something Domino was the next one that we played. The feelings of touching and playing with Domino indeed felt a bit like Ma-Chiang. During one round, Joe again amazingly had nothing to started his first train. As much as how buzzard it appeared, it added lots of laughters during the game.

We half-way finished catching a movie on A&E channel with more food . However, it was really late then and we finished cleaning the kitchen and all the left overs calling it a day. Having such a fun day with friends releases lots of stress of daily life routines (though I didn't really have much routine since that was my vacation week!). I am really happy to see Sean gets more and more talkative and interactive. Guess that is the real joy to see that people will be lightened up with relationships in their lives! True blessings for me to know him from my work place. Who would know that 2-month (technically 3 month) job could bring me a friend?

He is just a hurting dad

After the long 2-hr prayer, tears kind of stopped for a while and mood has calmed down a little bit. I should have known that Dad won't react nicely before calling. However, the conflicting message still bothers me a lot. The change that has happened inside of me must be really huge and big that I can't really fathom now. Looking at family's reactions and responses, I am really puzzled, confused and hurt. How come showing love does not work? How come taking initiative of reconciliation does not work? How come reflective listening does not work either?

I am reminded that God will always be with me. He will always be my father and is always willing to listen to me and speak to me. I can just be more courageous to ask people to be my mentor, and I will be surrounded by love. Fear not! because God is with me.

Not so comfortable with the idea that my own dad and sister treat me terribly. Guess it's time to be realistic that my wedding won't have dad walk me down the aisle, no family support and encouragement. No money, no blessings, no nothing. Should be o k. Just accept it, process it and have my future.

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

05142008

Finish reading Lily's update on her blog. The updated information from her somehow triggers me writing down my current live. Even though I don't really know to whom I am updating this to. Still some resentment, I think.

Sent out email for looking for places to stay. Really bothered by roommie's attitude of dating bf and the way of living. I should have known better and done more in our relationships, especially we had great time before sharing and praying together. Somehow the tunnel of love has been blocked. I don't find any interest in pushing and caring her in a good way. To be honest describing my feelings, it sounds ugly.

No news so far from TW side. Linda and Sherri were both super positive and encouraging reminding me to look at things in the right perspective. The more people get excited for me and care about me, the more I feel disappointed about my FOO. How can they be the ones who scold, curse, and hurt while others support, encourage and embrace?

Working on reading Cloud and Townsend's "How to have that difficult conversation you've been avoiding". Great book! Good insights! I have the idea of translating that in Chinese and just share thoughts relating to different ideas and chapters. Not sure if this will be a workable plan.

Trying to do meaningful things to best use my time. Just found that I do have less Chinese friends here compared to friends of other ethnicities. Not sure if this is another confirmation of working great blending in this place, or from another perspective, I am leaving the old me further away. Linda shared her experience about living the FOO environment with me. It was comforting to know that it not only happen cross-culture but also inside of one culture itself. I have already changed and am still changing. It is valid that it will be impossible to go back to the old time. Face tomorrow, keep moving. As long as this is the path where God leads, it's perfectly fine!

這樣是不夠成熟還是太成熟

如果
回去只是討罵挨 只是要繼續被別人嫌棄謾罵
花上四千美金回台灣 待短短的幾天 這是有什麼意義？
為什麼？

為什麼我總是要當成熟的那一個
我知道不用計較公平 因為這不是我應該看的重點
但是 還真想跟God negotiate一個deal
讓我的mansion座落在Rick 旁邊！謝謝！ :)

CR的經文小卡超級有用有幫助
我們作對的事情 然後看著上帝make good things out of bad.

Journal

I am always not good at journaling. I mean the kind that writing down the lessons I learned, the interaction just between me and God. My tendency is always go find another person. However, if that person is not there, or the one that I wish could be the person doesn't perform that right, it's devastating.

Ok, maybe devastating is a too strong word. After this 1.5 yrs CR training, I did get better processing those tracks and problems. I just need more help? help from where? I ask.

Am I being difficult?
As we talk about marriage, I see myself trying really hard either playing with feelings or suppressing it. Does this come to the being rational and realistic distinguish goal and desire homework as well?