05142008

Finish reading Lily's update on her blog. The updated information from her somehow triggers me writing down my current live. Even though I don't really know to whom I am updating this to. Still some resentment, I think.

Sent out email for looking for places to stay. Really bothered by roommie's attitude of dating bf and the way of living. I should have known better and done more in our relationships, especially we had great time before sharing and praying together. Somehow the tunnel of love has been blocked. I don't find any interest in pushing and caring her in a good way. To be honest describing my feelings, it sounds ugly.

No news so far from TW side. Linda and Sherri were both super positive and encouraging reminding me to look at things in the right perspective. The more people get excited for me and care about me, the more I feel disappointed about my FOO. How can they be the ones who scold, curse, and hurt while others support, encourage and embrace?

Working on reading Cloud and Townsend's "How to have that difficult conversation you've been avoiding". Great book! Good insights! I have the idea of translating that in Chinese and just share thoughts relating to different ideas and chapters. Not sure if this will be a workable plan.

Trying to do meaningful things to best use my time. Just found that I do have less Chinese friends here compared to friends of other ethnicities. Not sure if this is another confirmation of working great blending in this place, or from another perspective, I am leaving the old me further away. Linda shared her experience about living the FOO environment with me. It was comforting to know that it not only happen cross-culture but also inside of one culture itself. I have already changed and am still changing. It is valid that it will be impossible to go back to the old time. Face tomorrow, keep moving. As long as this is the path where God leads, it's perfectly fine!