Fight

又是一次吵架。很不舒服的感覺想是必然，連回頭看和回頭想都很傷。
以前的習慣真的醞釀很久吧。不夠獨立、常常想要找背後的支持雙手，結果好像都很糟糕很淒慘。
在CR承認，以前的傷、以前的驕縱、以前的寵愛，都不見得是好事，
但我覺得軟弱得辦不到所謂的對與成熟。

還是一直停在要有人心疼眼淚的一廂情願。當眼淚引來更多的責備和糾正，我的心都碎了。躲在被子裡大哭，聽到的只是你自己有能力離開這樣的情緒，這不是我造成的，你有過多的期望，沒有人有義務滿足你。

真的嗎？獨立成熟負責任，就表示一切呵護輕哄捧在手心都不能有嗎？
就算做完一生大小事inventory，看到問題，卻也不是給你free-pass可以得到治療或加倍照顧，
這樣子想覺得好殘忍、好冷漠。

Sponsor說你要的都只能上帝給。嘆。

Another fight again. Undoubtedly feels bad, even thinking retrospect hurts as well.
Maybe my old habits were really being planted for a long time. Now whenever I am not independent enough, want to find the hands which support me at the back, the result is always super terrible and miserable.
Admitted in CR that those spoiling, hurts, and willfulness probably were not good. However, at the same time, I also feel too weak to do the right and mature way.

Keep staying at my own dream of having someone heartaches my tears. When tears actually bring back more blaming and correctness, I literally hears my heart break. Cry and hiding inside of comforter, hearing "you have the ability to leave this emotions by yourself", "I didn't cause that", "you have too much expectations", "no one has the obligation to satisfy you".

Is it real that independence, maturity and being responsible means all coax, love dearly, comfort, slightly sweet talk and being treasured on the palm never going to be possible?

Even if I already finished the life inventory, see the problem, hurt and vulnerability, it doesn't grant you a free pass to get treatment or special care.
Seeing that this way, it seems so cruel.

Sponsor said, all that you want can only from God.
Sigh.