English and Monkie II

Getting on the flight flying to the States, the country that I have dreamed about studying abroad, assures me that God did kinda bless me with that. Though my undergraduate GPA is not anyway considered as great, GRE not so good (b/c 800 in math is really not unusual in Asia), TOEFL merely met the requirement, I had the idea that it's ok that I don't know what I want to do and study about, as long as I can try my dream, it will all be worth it!

After the confidence built from college, I somehow knew I wasn't too bad regarding oral English skills. However, there were lots of shocking frustration when coming to the States in 2004-- talking to cashier! Every little thing was new to me. I didn't know what to call a "check"; I couldn't read the menu (who know what a western sunshine is.... and before finishing glancing the menu description, the waiter had already waiting for you...!!) ; I didn't expect in fast food restaurants, cashiers would ask you about meat preference, fries preference; I had no idea what to answer when being asked about salad dressings! (and it didn't help that he mumbled one round with all the options for me) Looking at all the Taiwanese students who were years ahead of me looking confidently speaking English (or ignoring some part of conversation), I wasn't comforted that everything would be alright. Besides, I had huge "culture shock"/ adjustment problem at the first couple days in the States. Mimi's comment for me later was, I looked like a little horrified helpless animal.

I immediately dropped my first class after having no idea what the teacher was talking about for 3 hours. However, 3 classes/ 9 units was still minimum for international student, I soon gave up my ambition of participating in research with professors because of the indifference professors showed and the fear of not competent in English.

Church was a great help for me at that time. Though I am not confident enough about myself, I can tell almost all Taiwanese students didn't talk to teachers when they had questions or hang out with non-Chinese speakers. PRISM, the Meyers family, and the Hanns family were my castles in my "studying abroad" fairy tale. They are all great Christians, who made me feel connected like families, and they all are friendly to international students either because their past mission experience or current ministry. I even had met Ronn Hann, being his personal tour guide when he visited Taiwan. Enjoying the friendliness and ignoring the awkwardness were my ways to help me keep spending time with them. Thanksgiving, Christmas vacations I didn't go travel with Taiwanese friends but stayed in American family for days. It surely was fun, but it was also draining and scary in certain extents. I remembered I would always try not to be alone with the Grandpa in Meyers family because he loved to joke and I couldn't understand his jokes. The easiest and maybe most encouraging time were playing with toddlers and babies! ha! But don't get me wrong, both families were super great to me. And, I did see that having American families to hang out with was really unusual for international students. Lots of friends even having been in the States for couple years may still have no close interaction with Americans.

After the first year adjustment period, I finally switch church to American church instead of Chinese church. Before that, I sometime went to Bellefield presbyterian church when I want to meet with Meyers family or simply slept late on Sundays. Go to services in American church means at the beginning only worship time means something to me-- it was super difficult to catch the whole sermon the pastor preached about. I somehow really wanted to be involved in the English environment plus having a real church relationship there. Therefore, I contacted the youth minister through other people and finally got into a small group where everyone is American there. (Remember, at that time, if I could choose, I definitely prefer email contact information over phone number. Mitch, the youth minister, later wanted to meet me in Panera made me nervous a lot then! )

I spent the whole next year participating in the small group. That was a great small group that I truly think God prepared for me. Starry was the leader who's a pretty, smart Caucasian. She's a pastor's daughter and she had lived in Taiwan when she was little for several years! Amy was ABC who is really friendly to me. Later Karen W. joined small group too. Among three of them, Starry's Chinese was the best! Having 2 Asian-looking people there ease my nervousness a lot. I still remembered I was always afraid the chatting time before our lesson every Wednesday night. If we were merely reading/ discussing the Bible, I would at least have the Bible to look at in order not to get lost. (and quickly check the Chinese version to understand what the main context of the passage is about) However, the chit-chat was hard, especially when someone told a joke and everybody laughed!....except me, because I totally didn't catch not only the meaning but also the words at all. I have been super grateful that they were extremely patient and friendly with me. It took me a semester before I volunteered sharing my ideas among the discussion. By the time I graduated from U Pitt, the whole small group came to my graduation commencement to celebrate for me! I was so thrilled that they would do that for me! That was a really great memory chapter in my life!

Moving to California was my next move! Having the "unpleasant" Chinese church experience and nice American church experience, it didn't take me lots of effort to decide I would like to find a nice American church here. One friend happened to take me to visit Saddleback church on the first Sunday after I flew here. And then, it becomes my home church.

Staying in aunt's place doesn't really help with my English, however, getting involved in church helps greatly! Before deciding taking the membership class, I also attended another American church close to Covina and joined one of the small group there. With the practice in pittsburgh, interacting with people in English didn't scare me that much anymore. And it also makes exploring church in "English" environment bearable and fun on the top of the stress of job searching. I caught chance to getting more involved in Saddleback after a ministry fair, and started my working with Americans in English life stage. There were still awkwardness when I couldn't understand what the musician told me but I was the only one who controls the soundboard. I went to career ministry faithfully once a week for couple months by myself and made friends there. Accepting the request of being the soundman in Tuesday morning's Foundation class even if that means I need to drove down here at 6am in the morning. Going to small group, contacting orchestra people to get information about learning cello, joining gospel choir and went through the stage that people were different from me in life stages. I also remembered at the beginning that because I didn't know the music term in English so I couldn't catch what the conductor was trying to say. Thankfully that God has gave me music talents to catch up by myself and singing in the choir for whole year helped me pronounced words faster because of the requirement of some tempo.

Then I made another huge scary decision which is going to the counseling ministry. Just to answer your concern if you have-- yes, I did feel it is probably impossible that I can be a counselor who needs to work by talking to people in English. I still went to the class thinking that would be their problem of deciding if I am good enough to be a counselor, and I only need to catch every opportunity that is available in front of me. Again, I didn't catch all the class contents at the beginning. However, after 8 months, I can understand Bob more and more. I even get used to his way of talking and joking.

There has been another help in my life that contributes to my English growth a lot-- my super awesome bf. He has been really patient with me, correcting my mistakes, answering my questions and encouraging me all the time pointing out my improvements and growth to me. We still laugh that when we first started dating, I would get really nervous calling him on the phone. I would want to plan how to start, how to end. And if possible, I wanted to write instead of talk because that was still easier for me then. Having a Caucasian bf surely helps greatly in my English however there has been great challenges too. We need to talk about all the intentions, implications honestly up front, give up the guessing game or dancing pattern. We made the choice of working on communication (maybe for the rest of our lives) and always believed each other has the best intention if any doubt in language confusions. He is the sun in my life not only helping me with my English but also lots of areas in my life. However, I will need to write another article about that because they will definitely be out of topic.

I just finished my first year of seminary training getting As in most of my social science courses. (even better than my American classmates) I have been the lay counselor at church starting last fall. I can now call without fear and hesitation when I need to use phone to find out answers. I now read English bible, not Chinese one anymore. There are still lots of space that I can improve in English (for example, I am still super lazy to catch my own writing errors, which my bf complains a lot). Just to write down the little journey that I have been in learning English. This could be a nice little gift for my bf who accidentally believed that my English was ??? before.

:)