Fear

After sending out the email to brother, the familiar fear comes back haunting in my life again. I wonder how his response will be. Whether he is with me, supporting and cheerful or against me, blaming and putting me down.

***

Samuel is busy preparing the whole wedding related tasks.

***

I try to calm myself down with the upcoming trip. Won't be happy, but o.k. Maybe I should draw a map of shopping route. Honey said he would go with me wherever I want to go and whatever I want to do. Maybe I will just hang around on the streets, walking on street after street. And buy whatever little things that catch my eyes!

Have been working on this issue for a long time already. Still think it's hard to get through the "family war" trauma.

"Who is the person who hates you the most?" "My dad."

This is my line for him.
I am sure this is not therapeutic at all. Sigh..