October life update

There are so many things that I haven't updated to my support network. Almost felt like I have "vaporized"/disappeared from the earth for a long time.

Moved out from the brothel. Negotiated the money. 40 days of love. Lisa's white house. Lisa's friend's daughters. Commute. School starts. Endless reading. Commute. 2 hours commute. Fight. Reconciliation. Huggy teddy bear. Move. Nikkie's owner's house. School....

I have made myself really tensed the past week. My eyes were only focusing on the textbooks when I am on the trains. The feeling I have now is probably "flexibility fatigue". Throughout the whole weekend, I didn't touch my textbooks except the reading aloud time in the car to Malibu.

I have thought about Joe's life when he was in school. Guessing he knows what is the goal, therefore he could balance his life well while lots of tasks going on. I, on the other hand, feel unbalanced. Work, commute, school, feels super clueless. I need to rethink about my goal and remind myself a bit more often. Job is not my goal. Making flyers, maintaining website, hosting employers...these are not important at all. To get good grades at class doesn't need to stress me out either. Yep, scholarship will be nice, but not to a degree that I couldn't even fit the spiritual growth process in. (yep, I can hardly read 40 days of love. Feel so disconnected with church family.) Wednesday is the day to go to church, if I want to....recommendation letters....who is the fourth person?

Feel I am a bit insecure recently. Not sure what really triggers it. Monthly cycle? or move? School? or job?

Another funny thing was after confronting a friend on her blog, the blog has been closed since then! The bizarre thing was I felt I made a point to point out her good work before presenting different ideas. It's probably always a mystery how others interpret our words and behaviors.