Tuesday introspection

Didn't express self well.

What was the real reason caused me depressed and angry in the afternoon and were the real things that I felt wanna tell him, get consolation from him?

1. I saw Mick's wedding picture in the afternoon...:(
2, I tried not be affected by talking to myself and forced myself have NO feelings about it, but I actually did. Though they weren't extreme, but I did have feelings. I shouldn't try to ignore that.
3, By reading bible, I started tell God I feel bad, but I can't really understand why I felt bad.
4. I tried tell God I wanna make sure he heard my prayer....and I tried to cry, but I can't.
5. Then I yelled. and .....I actually told God about those birds.
6. Then I guess I wish Joe could comfort me. I started feel I wanna tell him this.----> that's so WRONG. cuz I trun my expectation to him, wish he could meet my needs. I guess this cause problems.
7. When telling Joe I feel bad, I didn't tell him clear and specific what that was This caused him nervous, worried and even being interfered by almost not being able to finish CR Qs.
8. When we get to talk at night, I was in my emotions. ThereforeI didn't appreciate his joke about the cleaniness of my car.
9, What was my first words to him?
I "blamed" and complained about our not-enough-time, and said I don't wanna talk cuz I need to prepare to leave. This is a wrong expression since he was giving me his time due to my saying me not feeling good. While he's trying to help me, staying with me for my problems (he hasn't know what was that yet), my wrong and improper starting actually discouraged him and made him upset.

UH.....
How bad I was.

Then comes his emotions, then comes mine extra emotions too.
:( Woo....It was because of me.

I can't blame him the later tention and emotions of mine caused by his. Cuz I caused the very first one. :(